Meaning of the Rain
by Lockeheart
Summary: Sometimes the rain can be your tears when you cannot cry. A short piece from Hisoka's POV - a little bit of TsuxHis hinted . . . barely.


Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei belongs to Matsushita Youko. I don't own it and make no claim to.  
  
So on with the show!  
  
Meaning of the Rain  
  
By Lockeheart  
  
********************  
  
It was raining in Meifu.  
  
Hisoka watched the water streak down the pane of glass as he leaned against the cool glass, his body curled up as he sat upon the window seat. There was something about the rain that soothed Hisoka, a welcome relief from the picture perfect sunny days that often graced Meifu. Hisoka had asked Tsuzuki about it once, in the beginnings of their partnership, about the rain and its purpose. Meifu wasn't exactly a world in need of the life giving properties of the rain, but for some reason, it still rained from time to time. Tsuzuki had just smiled at Hisoka, ruffled his hair in the way that irritated him so, and told him that sometimes the rain was just necessary.  
  
That response had baffled Hisoka and had done little to raise his opinion about his sweets crazed partner, but he had let the issue drop. That was still back in the time when Hisoka wasn't sure if he had made a mistake or not to remain by Tsuzuki's side after their first case. Hisoka smiled as he recalled his beginnings as a Shinigami and shook his head. When something caught his attention, it wasn't likely to waver, and that trait continued to serve / sabotage Hisoka to this day. It wasn't as if the meaning behind the infrequent rain showers was a life or death situation by any means, but Hisoka was an inquisitive person by nature, and he found himself questioning the rains purpose once again. Hisoka traced the trail of one of the water droplets and looked beyond it to the faintly lit dwellings beyond.  
  
He had asked Watari about it afterwards, but was equally frustrated when the scientist had just given Hisoka a look that said 'he's new' and replied that the rain was a necessity. It was not as condescending as Tsuzuki's answer, but it had done little to appease Hisoka. It must have been written on his face, because Watari gave him another long look and had promptly told the young Shinigami to go stand out in the rain next time; that he would understand then. Still squeaky new in his role as a Shinigami, Hisoka had chalked up the responses of his co-workers as a sort in indulgence toward the rookie.  
  
He had gone around to each of his co-workers, trying to get a definite answer to his question, but everyone had evaded his question with the same stupid answer: it was necessary. In those beginning months, when Hisoka had been desperate to prove he was not a child, it was almost like a slap in the face. It was only a month later, after he and Tsuzuki had finished a heart-wrenching case that Hisoka found the answer to his question.  
  
Hisoka had been walking Tsuzuki back to his apartment, the man lost in his thoughts and the silence had been unsettling. He had become accustomed to Tsuzuki's incessant chatter so much that the absence of it was almost painful. There had been no real reason for Hisoka to accompany Tsuzuki, but somehow Hisoka knew it was important that he stay with Tsuzuki a little while longer, even without his empathy he could tell that Tsuzuki did not want to be alone. So they had walked together in silence, Hisoka casting wayward glances to Tsuzuki, and Tsuzuki staring at the ground, when it happened.  
  
The first drops were warm, but wet none the less and Hisoka increased his pace. They had already had a tough day, what was the point in getting soaked as well? He had begun to voice his request to just expend the energy and teleport the rest of the way to Tsuzuki's apartment, when Tsuzuki stopped dead in his tracks. The sorrow that had been emanating off of Tsuzuki the entire time they had walked suddenly lessened and Hisoka stepped back to question Tsuzuki when he looked into Tsuzuki's face, and Hisoka let his protest die in his throat.  
  
The rain had begun to fall harder then, and the two of them had just stood there in the rain, one unsure what to do next, the other just standing. Tsuzuki's tears spilled down his cheeks, and Hisoka stood staring at his partner, uncomfortable with the man's emotion, but unable to just pull away. It was then that Tsuzuki had asked him a question, violet eyes rising to meet startled green ones.  
  
'Do you understand now why the rain is important?'  
  
Tsuzuki's voice had been quiet in that rain, but as Hisoka stood watching his partner crying in the rain, he began to understand. Hisoka had reached out tentatively to touch Tsuzuki's arm, and Tsuzuki just stood and let Hisoka touch him. Tsuzuki's pain was much more acute with the physical contact, but Hisoka could feel the underlying emotions that he was unable to feel with his empathy – guilt . . . and release.  
  
Hisoka let himself smile a ghost of a smile and he leaned his head against the windowpane as he remembered Tsuzuki's tears in the rain. He and Tsuzuki had stood in that rain for a long time, silent save for Tsuzuki's quiet sobs. It had been emotional and confusing, but Hisoka had finally received the answer he had been searching for – the reason for the rain. Hisoka found it funny that his answer mirrored the same elusive quality that embodied each of the answers he had received from his co- workers. It was something that had confused him back then, but as he had stood in the rain with Tsuzuki after that heart wrenching case, Hisoka understood. Hisoka found a comfort in the rain just as Tsuzuki found release in it.  
  
The rain fell, because not everyday could be sunny, the world was not without suffering and hardship. The rain fell, because not every life they took was that of someone who deserved it. The rain fell, because not every case was black and white, often it lay in shades of grey that tore at one's soul, the decisions that had to be made. The rain fell, because not everyone took comfort in the suns warmth, they needed the embrace of the rain. The rain fell, because there could not be light without darkness, good without evil, life without death.  
  
The rain fell, because it was necessary.  
  
Hisoka sighed and slowly brushed his bangs away from his eyes and stared at the falling drops beyond the warmth of his home. He pulled up the blanket that had fallen down his legs and he pressed his hand against the cool glass. He sensed Tsuzuki's approach even before the violet-eyed man entered the threshold of the room, a steaming mug in each hand. Hisoka turned to look to his partner who gave Hisoka a look and walked over to close the distance between the two of them. Hisoka reached out and took the proffered mug from Tsuzuki and wrapped his hands about the warm drink. Tsuzuki sat in the space beside Hisoka and turned to glance out to the pouring rain beyond the window.  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
Three simple words, but Hisoka could sense so much more in that undemanding question. He took a careful sip of the tea Tsuzuki had prepared and made a slight face. "You put too much sugar in it again Tsuzuki . . ." Hisoka raised his eyes to meet Tsuzuki's own and Hisoka gave Tsuzuki a weak smile. "It's raining . . . but you are here. I'll be fine."  
  
"The tea is barely sweet Hisoka, you must be imagining things." Tsuzuki winked and made a move to pull his legs up so that they stretched out along the length of the window seat. Hisoka shifted slightly so that they could both sit comfortably in the alcove, stretching his own legs out so that they sat opposite one another, their legs parallel to one another. Hisoka moved the blanket to cover both their legs and he leaned back to nurse his mug of tea. They sat in comfortable silence for a couple moments, the only sound the pitter-patter of the rain, when Tsuzuki spoke up once more. "You know you made the right decision right Hisoka? We had no choice . . . her time had come."  
  
Hisoka frowned and looked at Tsuzuki who sat nursing his mug of tea, but his violet eyes were focused upon Hisoka's form. Hisoka sighed and traced the trail of a raindrop down the cool window. "I know . . . but that doesn't make it any easier." He took a small sip of tea and looked to Tsuzuki once more. "I guess that's why it is raining now right? Just like back then . . ."  
  
Tsuzuki turned to look out the window and then back to Hisoka, and Hisoka could feel concern emanating from Tsuzuki. "Ah. You're right. That's why it is raining now." Hisoka shook his head and closed his eyes at Tsuzuki's words. "There will always be cases like this and we will always have to make those tough choices. Sometimes . . . the rain is all the comfort we can get."  
  
Hisoka opened his eyes to meet Tsuzuki's own. He didn't speak, as there was nothing he could say to Tsuzuki's words. The mug of tea was warm in Hisoka's hands, and he raised the warm drink to take a careful sip. He leaned once again against the cool pane of glass and stared out the window to the rain beyond. He could see Tsuzuki settling back in his seat just as Hisoka was, and Hisoka closed his eyes. He was glad Tsuzuki was there with him now, along with the rain; there in the aftermath of another painful case.  
  
The rain was necessary – it cried for Hisoka, because he could not.  
  
********************  
  
Author's Note: First off, don't shoot me for my absence from fanficiton.net. My life has taken a little bit of a chaotic turn at the moment, and unfortunately certain things had to be put on hold. Guess you could say that this little one-shot is a reflection of my life as it is. So I hope readers enjoy, and for those waiting for the ending to my other story, I promise it is coming! I guess I just wanted to post this one to say that I am not dead!  
  
Whether or not you understand the meaning of the rain . . . well I guess it depends on just how observant you are as a reader. I hope I didn't make it too abstract, but I didn't want to just come out and say it. Reviews and comments most welcome.  
  
Also, I just have to thank Matsushita for creating such wonderful characters! Humour, darkness, romance - all the fun stuff rolled into one! Thank you! 


End file.
